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W. C. Fields Quotes

Unique W. C. Fields picture quotes and sayings

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.


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"You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it." Make picture quote!
"Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one." Make picture quote!
"When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty." Make picture quote!
"There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation." Make picture quote!
"There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it." Make picture quote!
"The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves." Make picture quote!
"The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart." Make picture quote!
"The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath." Make picture quote!
"The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep." Make picture quote!
"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with." Make picture quote!
"Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch." Make picture quote!
"The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive." Make picture quote!
"Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned." Make picture quote!
"Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it." Make picture quote!
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it." Make picture quote!
"If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon." Make picture quote!
"If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind." Make picture quote!
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull." Make picture quote!
"It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to." Make picture quote!
"It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it." Make picture quote!
"It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money." Make picture quote!
"Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed." Make picture quote!
"Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive." Make picture quote!
"I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday." Make picture quote!
"Never give a sucker an even break." Make picture quote!
"Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life." Make picture quote!
"No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree." Make picture quote!
"Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times." Make picture quote!
"On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia." Make picture quote!
"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." Make picture quote!
"Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream." Make picture quote!
"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water." Make picture quote!
"Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch." Make picture quote!
"I never vote for anyone. I always vote against." Make picture quote!
"Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink." Make picture quote!
"I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home." Make picture quote!
"Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil." Make picture quote!
"Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket." Make picture quote!
"I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." Make picture quote!
"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." Make picture quote!
"I never met a kid I liked." Make picture quote!
"Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler." Make picture quote!
"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women." Make picture quote!
"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake." Make picture quote!
"Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad." Make picture quote!
"Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again." Make picture quote!
"Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live." Make picture quote!
"Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?" Make picture quote!
"Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against." Make picture quote!
"Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia." Make picture quote!
"I must have a drink of breakfast." Make picture quote!
"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people." Make picture quote!
"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it." Make picture quote!
"I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy." Make picture quote!
"I like children - fried." Make picture quote!
"I drink therefore I am." Make picture quote!
"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food." Make picture quote!
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally." Make picture quote!
"I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison." Make picture quote!
"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy." Make picture quote!
"I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes." Make picture quote!
"I'm sorry, my good fellow, but all my money is tied up in currency." Make picture quote!




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