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Mark Twain Quotes

Unique Mark Twain picture quotes and sayings

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
Plan for the future, because that is where you are going to spend the rest of your life.


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"Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written." Make picture quote!
"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." Make picture quote!
"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." Make picture quote!
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old." Make picture quote!
"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?" Make picture quote!
"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved." Make picture quote!
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Make picture quote!
"Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul." Make picture quote!
"Better a broken promise than none at all." Make picture quote!
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." Make picture quote!
"Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do." Make picture quote!
"Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself." Make picture quote!
"Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation." Make picture quote!
"Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense." Make picture quote!
"Work is a necessary evil to be avoided." Make picture quote!
"Buy land, they're not making it anymore." Make picture quote!
"A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape." Make picture quote!
"George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie." Make picture quote!
"Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life." Make picture quote!
"Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven." Make picture quote!
"Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable." Make picture quote!
"Familiarity breeds contempt - and children." Make picture quote!
"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." Make picture quote!
"Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned." Make picture quote!
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." Make picture quote!
"Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it." Make picture quote!
"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." Make picture quote!
"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times." Make picture quote!
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." Make picture quote!
"God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board." Make picture quote!
"Golf is a good walk spoiled." Make picture quote!
"Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person." Make picture quote!
"Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't." Make picture quote!
"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval." Make picture quote!
"Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand." Make picture quote!
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Make picture quote!
"All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure." Make picture quote!
"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." Make picture quote!
"Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary." Make picture quote!
"Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold." Make picture quote!
"As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake." Make picture quote!
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." Make picture quote!
"A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar." Make picture quote!
"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." Make picture quote!
"Don't let schooling interfere with your education." Make picture quote!
"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." Make picture quote!
"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream." Make picture quote!
"Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish." Make picture quote!
"If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way." Make picture quote!
"I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one." Make picture quote!
"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way." Make picture quote!
"Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own." Make picture quote!
"Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with." Make picture quote!
"I never let schooling interfere with my education." Make picture quote!
"If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later." Make picture quote!
"I've never let my school interfere with my education." Make picture quote!
"All generalizations are false, including this one." Make picture quote!
"A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation." Make picture quote!
"A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read." Make picture quote!
"A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds." Make picture quote!
"Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often." Make picture quote!
"All right, then, I'll go to hell." Make picture quote!
"If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat." Make picture quote!
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." Make picture quote!
"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it." Make picture quote!
"If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first." Make picture quote!
"He is now rising from affluence to poverty." Make picture quote!
"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up." Make picture quote!
"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing." Make picture quote!
"I can live for two months on a good compliment." Make picture quote!
"Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever." Make picture quote!
"I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way." Make picture quote!
"I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places." Make picture quote!
"I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough." Make picture quote!
"I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time." Make picture quote!
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." Make picture quote!
"I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting." Make picture quote!
"I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping." Make picture quote!
"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." Make picture quote!
"What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce." Make picture quote!
"We are all alike, on the inside." Make picture quote!
"We have the best government that money can buy." Make picture quote!
"What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before." Make picture quote!
"What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself." Make picture quote!
"What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin." Make picture quote!
"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." Make picture quote!
"When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people." Make picture quote!
"When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not." Make picture quote!
"When in doubt tell the truth." Make picture quote!
"When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself." Make picture quote!
"When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn." Make picture quote!
"We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world." Make picture quote!
"When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain." Make picture quote!
"Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so." Make picture quote!
"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." Make picture quote!
"There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress." Make picture quote!
"There are lies, damned lies and statistics." Make picture quote!
"There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy." Make picture quote!
"There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice." Make picture quote!
"Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it." Make picture quote!
"There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable." Make picture quote!
"Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody." Make picture quote!
"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist." Make picture quote!
"Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others." Make picture quote!
"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." Make picture quote!
"To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble." Make picture quote!
"To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal." Make picture quote!
"To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence." Make picture quote!
"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't." Make picture quote!
"Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work." Make picture quote!
"There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce." Make picture quote!
"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside." Make picture quote!
"Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough." Make picture quote!
"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time." Make picture quote!
"The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word." Make picture quote!
"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug." Make picture quote!
"The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes." Make picture quote!
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." Make picture quote!
"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself." Make picture quote!
"Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat." Make picture quote!
"Substitute damn every time you're inclined to write very; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be." Make picture quote!
"Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run." Make picture quote!
"Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late." Make picture quote!
"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." Make picture quote!
"Prosperity is the best protector of principle." Make picture quote!
"Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks." Make picture quote!
"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year." Make picture quote!
"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it." Make picture quote!
"The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it." Make picture quote!
"Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial we." Make picture quote!
"Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed." Make picture quote!
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." Make picture quote!
"There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded." Make picture quote!
"The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession." Make picture quote!
"The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice." Make picture quote!
"The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right." Make picture quote!
"The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven." Make picture quote!
"The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane." Make picture quote!
"The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause." Make picture quote!
"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." Make picture quote!
"The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little." Make picture quote!
"The Public is merely a multiplied me." Make picture quote!
"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." Make picture quote!
"The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop." Make picture quote!
"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." Make picture quote!
"The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become." Make picture quote!
"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives." Make picture quote!
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them." Make picture quote!
"The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives." Make picture quote!
"The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner." Make picture quote!
"The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all." Make picture quote!
"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them." Make picture quote!
"Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one." Make picture quote!
"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." Make picture quote!
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." Make picture quote!
"It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense." Make picture quote!
"It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling." Make picture quote!
"It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it." Make picture quote!
"Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat." Make picture quote!
"It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races." Make picture quote!
"Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about." Make picture quote!
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." Make picture quote!
"It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." Make picture quote!
"It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected." Make picture quote!
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Make picture quote!
"It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them." Make picture quote!
"It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress." Make picture quote!
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." Make picture quote!
"It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand." Make picture quote!
"In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours." Make picture quote!
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards." Make picture quote!
"It is easier to stay out than get out." Make picture quote!
"Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins." Make picture quote!
"It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions." Make picture quote!
"Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid." Make picture quote!
"Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation." Make picture quote!
"No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon." Make picture quote!
"Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits." Make picture quote!
"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow." Make picture quote!
"Necessity is the mother of taking chances." Make picture quote!
"Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident." Make picture quote!
"My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water." Make picture quote!
"Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising." Make picture quote!
"Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied." Make picture quote!
"Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired." Make picture quote!
"Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to." Make picture quote!
"Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired." Make picture quote!
"Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it." Make picture quote!
"Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul." Make picture quote!
"Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms." Make picture quote!
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." Make picture quote!
"Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all." Make picture quote!
"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." Make picture quote!
"Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest." Make picture quote!
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." Make picture quote!
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." Make picture quote!
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get." Make picture quote!
"'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read." Make picture quote!
"Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities." Make picture quote!
"By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean." Make picture quote!
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education." Make picture quote!
"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain." Make picture quote!
"All say, "How hard it is that we have to die" - a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live." Make picture quote!
"All say, How hard it is that we have to die - a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live." Make picture quote!
"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence then success is sure." Make picture quote!
"As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep and never to refrain when awake." Make picture quote!
"By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean." Make picture quote!
"Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education." Make picture quote!
"Do not fear the enemy, for your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the media, for they will steal your HONOR. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simple" Make picture quote!
"Do something every day that you don't want to do this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain." Make picture quote!
"Duties are not performed for duties' sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty, the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself." Make picture quote!
"Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned. - Notebook, 1898" Make picture quote!
"Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean." Make picture quote!
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it." Make picture quote!
"Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail; the more you pay, the more is exacted. In time, you are made to realize that the kindness done you is become a curse and you wish it had not happened." Make picture quote!
"Here he lies where he longed to be; Home is the sailor, home from sea, and the hunter home from the hill." Make picture quote!
"I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell you see, I have friends in both places." Make picture quote!
"I don't like work even when someone else does it." Make picture quote!
"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened." Make picture quote!
"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them." Make picture quote!
"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can read." Make picture quote!
"Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms." Make picture quote!
"October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, january, September, April, November, May, March, june, December, August and February." Make picture quote!
"Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse. He will go to any length for it-risk fortune, character, reputation, life itself." Make picture quote!
"Old habits can't be thrown out the upstairs window. They have to be coaxed down the stairs one step at a time." Make picture quote!
"Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute, but they all worship money." Make picture quote!
"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up." Make picture quote!
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer everybody else up. " Make picture quote!
"The difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector is that the taxidermist takes only your skin. " Make picture quote!
"The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money." Make picture quote!
"The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit." Make picture quote!
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like and do what you'd druther not." Make picture quote!
"The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one." Make picture quote!
"There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry." Make picture quote!
"There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can." Make picture quote!
"There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good morals; it can destroy bad principles and re-create good ones; it can lift men to angelship. " Make picture quote!
"Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered either by themselves or by others." Make picture quote!
"Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." Make picture quote!
"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education." Make picture quote!
"We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake . . . by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious" Make picture quote!
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do, then by the things you did do. So throw off the bowlines! Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, dream, and discover. " Make picture quote!
"We are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change place with an easy and blessed facility, and we are soon wonted to the change and happy in it." Make picture quote!
"We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read." Make picture quote!
"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like nobody is watching. " Make picture quote!




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