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Home / Authors / Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Unique Ambrose Bierce picture quotes and sayings



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"Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping." Make picture quote!
"Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage." Make picture quote!
"Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones." Make picture quote!
"Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay." Make picture quote!
"Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding." Make picture quote!
"Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage." Make picture quote!
"Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization." Make picture quote!
"It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better." Make picture quote!
"Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree." Make picture quote!
"Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions." Make picture quote!
"Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious." Make picture quote!
"Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage." Make picture quote!
"Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice." Make picture quote!
"Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy." Make picture quote!
"Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support." Make picture quote!
"Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure." Make picture quote!
"Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt." Make picture quote!
"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage." Make picture quote!
"Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world." Make picture quote!
"Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two." Make picture quote!
"Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while." Make picture quote!
"Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence." Make picture quote!
"Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills." Make picture quote!
"Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly." Make picture quote!
"Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art." Make picture quote!
"Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue." Make picture quote!
"Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success." Make picture quote!
"Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing." Make picture quote!
"Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic." Make picture quote!
"Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion." Make picture quote!
"Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy." Make picture quote!
"Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen." Make picture quote!
"Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me." Make picture quote!
"Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white." Make picture quote!
"Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding." Make picture quote!
"Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull." Make picture quote!
"Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth." Make picture quote!
"Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced." Make picture quote!
"Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age." Make picture quote!
"Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel." Make picture quote!
"Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience." Make picture quote!
"Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm." Make picture quote!
"Doubt is the father of invention." Make picture quote!
"Doubt begins only at the last frontiers of what is possible." Make picture quote!
"Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship." Make picture quote!
"Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries." Make picture quote!
"Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure." Make picture quote!
"Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on." Make picture quote!
"Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver." Make picture quote!
"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate." Make picture quote!
"Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable." Make picture quote!
"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office." Make picture quote!
"Edible - good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm." Make picture quote!
"Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for." Make picture quote!
"Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers." Make picture quote!
"Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment." Make picture quote!
"Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable." Make picture quote!
"Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another." Make picture quote!
"Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope." Make picture quote!
"Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient." Make picture quote!
"Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table." Make picture quote!
"Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination." Make picture quote!
"Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her." Make picture quote!
"Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy." Make picture quote!
"Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent." Make picture quote!
"Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed." Make picture quote!
"I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats." Make picture quote!
"I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It's one of the curses of London." Make picture quote!
"History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools." Make picture quote!
"Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward." Make picture quote!
"Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things." Make picture quote!
"Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own." Make picture quote!
"Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured." Make picture quote!
"Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense." Make picture quote!
"Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth." Make picture quote!
"Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience." Make picture quote!
"Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity." Make picture quote!
"Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking." Make picture quote!
"Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge." Make picture quote!
"Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money." Make picture quote!
"Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery." Make picture quote!
"An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me." Make picture quote!
"Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish." Make picture quote!
"Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead." Make picture quote!
"Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left." Make picture quote!
"Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third." Make picture quote!
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher." Make picture quote!
"Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others." Make picture quote!
"Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves." Make picture quote!
"Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having." Make picture quote!
"Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to." Make picture quote!
"Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught." Make picture quote!
"Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion." Make picture quote!
"Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure." Make picture quote!
"Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends." Make picture quote!
"Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another." Make picture quote!
"Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity." Make picture quote!
"A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others." Make picture quote!
"A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it." Make picture quote!
"A man is known by the company he organizes." Make picture quote!
"Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state." Make picture quote!
"Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age." Make picture quote!
"Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be." Make picture quote!
"Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul." Make picture quote!
"Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions." Make picture quote!
"Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs." Make picture quote!
"Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility." Make picture quote!
"Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness." Make picture quote!
"Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon." Make picture quote!
"Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country." Make picture quote!
"Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others." Make picture quote!
"Confidante: One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C." Make picture quote!
"Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk." Make picture quote!
"Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead." Make picture quote!
"Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you." Make picture quote!
"Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh." Make picture quote!
"Historian - a broad-gauge gossip." Make picture quote!
"Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think." Make picture quote!
"Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen." Make picture quote!
"Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain." Make picture quote!
"Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues." Make picture quote!
"Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband." Make picture quote!
"Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue." Make picture quote!
"Dawn: When men of reason go to bed." Make picture quote!
"Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due." Make picture quote!
"The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff." Make picture quote!
"The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling." Make picture quote!
"The covers of this book are too far apart." Make picture quote!
"The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up." Make picture quote!
"Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance." Make picture quote!
"Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means, as commonly interpreted, the right to vote for the man of another man's choice, and is highly prized." Make picture quote!
"Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond." Make picture quote!
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." Make picture quote!
"Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited." Make picture quote!
"To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense." Make picture quote!
"To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice." Make picture quote!
"The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations." Make picture quote!
"There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy." Make picture quote!
"Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly." Make picture quote!
"Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of." Make picture quote!
"Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke." Make picture quote!
"Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out." Make picture quote!
"Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow." Make picture quote!
"When you doubt, abstain." Make picture quote!
"What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends." Make picture quote!
"What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country." Make picture quote!
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Make picture quote!
"We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over." Make picture quote!
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." Make picture quote!
"Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country." Make picture quote!
"Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors." Make picture quote!
"Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows." Make picture quote!
"The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge." Make picture quote!
"A year is a period of 365 disappointments." Make picture quote!
"Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion." Make picture quote!
"Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding." Make picture quote!
"Faith Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel." Make picture quote!
"Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white." Make picture quote!




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